Sunday, July 5, 2009

i am not my own

After yesterdays post, I was reading through some things I wrote sometime ago.  I came across a poem that I felt was apropos based on what I have been feeling.  As my heart is learning to lean harder and trust deeper, it is my prayer that I will daily surrender my desires and the things that I hold dearest to my heart; and that I will continue to grow more like Christ. Today my heart and hands are open.

salvaging my dream from the depth of my torment
you have delivered me from my own self-destructive ways
you have satisfied my obligations with a bloody lamb
you are my zenith, my deliverer, my highpoint
you are the lamb of which i speak
the sacrifice of crimson flows free and deep
and is written across a history superior to the sky itself; outnumbering the ancestral stars
more than a flicker of light, eternity is on fire

this destiny; this truth
my destiny; my truth
the promise of your presence to guide
i crash down into the depths of my own self love and sentiment 
i emerge
trembling, bleeding, and clean

fraught by my own humanity
you charge mortality with the brigade of your justice
and by your sword i must die
and yet by your sword i live
you take no prisoners, setting free all who choose to believe
i will believe
i will trust
i will follow
hard after you, close beside you, securely beneath you
i rest and wait
and cease to fear
as fear and death and the fury of your wrath have been satisfied.
satisfied by your own doing; an undoing of me.
an unraveling of rancid flesh made beautiful

with all of my pride
my indiscretion
my privileges unforsaken
my covenants unfulfilled
toward a mysterious mountain you have called
i come
your promise in one hand- an order for execution in the next
you call from the brush and i pause.
i am abraham and
this is my isaac

as i cleave to you i loose the grip on the very liberties i have claimed as mine in you.

this death to self.


1 comment:

superbass said...

...and I needed that, too. Life has been a daily exercise in surrender for me as of late, so I am soooo right there.
Praying for you girl.